Friday, August 27, 2010

As summer cools off, HURT heats up.

There is big news from the Team HURT command center (as reported last night on the "HRT nightly news and world report" , cable channel 243038). The Director has released three September dates for distance training and HURT recruitment. HURT team members are encouraged (recommended/suggested/demanded/implored) to attend as many of the OD Days as possible. Any prospective team prospects are likewise encouraged to join. For details on the training events and maps of the routes please visit

In other news, there has been a leak out of the team command center and some TOP SECRET INFORMATION may have fallen into the hands of the HRT news team (who then promptly sold the information for massive amounts of cash may have seen in the latest issue of World News Report...Hat Nerz wants a new pair of carbonlites). None of the following information can officially be confirmed but this is what we know.

-HURT MAY have offered a big nordic contract to a high profile NYS nordic skier who earns massive amounts of NYSSRA points.
-HURT MAY have likewise offered the family members of "said nordic athlete" similar contracts (also who earn massive NYSSRA points.)
-"Said Nordic Skier" may have years and years of nordic racing experience
-"Said Nordic Skier" may have been responsible for the development of countless youth in in the greater Albany area.
-"Said Nordic Skier" has not officially commented on his status but is currently in negotiations with team attorneys.

Following the report by World News, HRT called the TEam Director for comments.

HRT: Can you confirm the report printed in World News?

D: WHO GOT THIS INFORMATION!!! This was supposed to be the nordic bombshell that would shake the foundations of the nordic world!!! It is a very sensitive situation and we did not want this to go public!! This darn report may end the whole deal before its even done. Unbelievable!

It like coaxing a chipmunk to eat from your hand....if you make big dramatic moves he just runs away! jeesh. I certainly hope this doesn't ruin things for us.

HRT: So you can confirm the report then?

D: Oh...THAT was the question?!? comment.

HRT: Do you feel like this signing will lock up the team championship?

D: comment

HRT: Will this make you faster as a team? can you compete with RNR?

D: comment

HRT: Does this have anything to do with Peru Nordic Masters loosing their team facilities and massive amounts of funding?

D: comment

As you can see the Director clammed up like a Long Island oyster.
Stay tuned for more updates.

The Director


Thursday, August 19, 2010

HURT East and West Unite, Kind of Like Voltron!

Wednesday August 18th, brought together members of HURT West (Adam and Ed Luban) with Wednesday night regulars Chris, Tim, and Austin. The joining of forces created one mega-powerful super skier that threw down destruction on the neighborhoods of Clifton Park!

Famous 1980’s Voltron Quote : “Form feet and legs; form arms and body; and I'll form the head!”

After a solid workout of double poling and specific strength the team went to work on strategizing for the upcoming season. The action items coming out of the brain trust were the following:

1) Get the director out recruiting ASAP. We know Peru are building their evil ranks, we need to respond.

2) Prevent Adam from peaking at this week’s Stratton Ski Camp. Last year he beat up on everyone except one ex-Olympian and then paid for it the rest of the season.

3) Quietly continue building Austin into a super skier. Heck, he has already grown a foot or so this year and gotten way stronger. He is going to show those Vermont kids his new form this week.

4) Have the director sign a major advertising sponsor to help retain Justin and Dave, so they won’t have to look for “real” jobs. It’s like skiing it not a real job?!

5) Get Ed doped roller ski wheels.

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

This past weekend was the annual 'Iron Maiden' Triathlon in Peru, NY and it was HURT nordic who showed up in force to contend for the title. Representing the deepest team in the field was T. Huneck, A. Huneck, The Director, D. Kvam, and Brian Halligan. Even the Queen showed up. As usual, the HRT news team was on hand to bring you a breakdown of the event.

The chase

The Good- HURT goes 2,3,4,5 to dominate the team title competition. Huge efforts were put down by HURT young guns Austin Huneck and Brian Halligan. Halligan's second fastest run leg was only eclipsed in excellence by A. Huneck's bike dual-royale with race veteran Chris Rose.

The Bad- Kvam blows it. With the absence of last years champion M. Wynn, Kvam wore the cloak of the race favorite. Things seemed to be going that way early. After putting minutes into the main chase field in the short run course and fighting tooth and nail in a solo break on the bike to add even more seconds into the main chase pack of 3 (A. Huneck, C. Rose, T.Huneck) Kvam found a way to blow the race in the final 600 meters. After being totally pegged the whole race it appears he was crippled by intense cramping during the 20% portion of the Hill of Death. His crumbling legs allowed a savvy and controlled Rose to catch and lay down one final massive attack to bury the humiliated Kvam. We caught up with Kvam after the race.

Just before the epic collapse

HRT: What the heck happened?

Kvam: I think it was watching the TDF in the rain that did it. As a huge fan of Andy Schleck I think I learned by osmosis how to blow a race that I had for all intensive purposes won, to a more crafty and race-savvy veteran. I didn't respect the Hill of Death enough and thought I could just run away with this victory at full speed. absolutely embarrassing. Lesson learned though, "if you laugh in the face of the HOD, it will kill you"

Kvam opening it up on the run


This Dude