Thursday, January 24, 2013

HURT preps for a decisive weekend...

Cold temps and frigid air blankets the northeast just as the NYSSRA club series heats up like never before.  This upcoming weekend plays host to some of the most important races in the state as juniors get ready to test their stuff at the final JNQ of the season and master and marathon junkies look to brave the arctic cold on the brutal Lake Placid Loppet course.

It has been a tough campaign thus far the HURT faithful but things seem to be on the mend as HURT skiers begin to crowd the top of the points list and trail a strengthened Peru legion by a mere 2 points.  The past month has not been without is rough patches for the big green machine.  First there was a bout with a errant chainsaw and then mysterious brain attacks on the "Always a Director" Aaron Huneck.  It was never confirmed what caused the bizzare episodes but after digging through the medical charts analysis seemed to indicate "Dark, very dark, evil S%$T is at play here." and "what is a B.Hartman anyways?" Anyways...Huneck's have always head thick skulls and bounce back like a kangroo chewing bubble gum and our boy is now outfitted with a serious pro setup....

Then of course came the news that RNR dealt a serious emotional blow by severing one of the heads of the previously assumed invincible "Three Headed Monster".  The HRT newsroom caught up with Director Koziol after the announcement of the scandal and issued the following statement... 

"It has been rumored for some time that Adam has been cavorting with the enemy.  We heard tales of lavish trips out west and late night phone conversations with Mr. Hess of RNR.  Mr. Hettenbaugh sweetened the deal with a sweet Madshus package and allowing Adam to play fetch with his dog. Adam love dogs.   But what sealed the deal in the end was of course....the ski ties.  It is said that he got like....3 pairs of nice ski ties.  I mean nice ski ties.  HURT just wasn't able to match that kind of executive treatment."


Evidence builds up the controversy 

All is not lost though as the Director quickly responded by signing rising stars Adam Chrzan and Owen Putnam to long term deals with the promise of a pair of ski ties if they meet their performance goals. 

Get ready for a killer weekend on snow and some big races by HURT contenders.  Special wishes go out to Brian Halligan who is killing it for team USA and HURT nordic over at junior biathlon championships.  



Check back for a full Loppet report and video from HRT Television!


1 comment:

  1. Chainsaw, ski ties . . . and is it mere coincidence that the Monster's third head finds himself in Austria as the season heats up here? Who's responsible for scheduling the world junior/youth biathlon championships anyway? The tentacles of this conspiracy may well extend all the way to the IBU.

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