The anemic performance at yesterdays mini-marathon by team HURT has done in the once proud and uber-confident Driector Koziol. But the following grievances have been cited against the Director...
1) The top 10 points earners in the NYSSRA Championship series features only 1 HURT athlete. unacceptable.
2) It has been reported that the mighty Brian Halligan was given two pairs skis from the Director prior to his triumphant return to Saratoga Biathlon Club where he was supposed to set his sights on the mini-marathon course record. The result....not one, but two pairs of inadequate bindings.
3) Once Halligan crashed out of the race (twice) DPK was unable to maintain the pace set by the powerful Tornianen and he was content to drift back in a race for second and third with Stan-the man- Hatch. This tactic has been deemed unacceptable by the standards set forth in the original team manifesto.
4) The total points by HURT in the mini-marathon was not even good enough to bring them into the top 3 of team points totals. Unacceptable. Only three athletes competed under the HURT standard.
5) The Director has done a very poor job on controlling his media empire designed to bring coverage of weekend racing. Unacceptable.
6) The System of Patriarchy that has dominated HURT nation lo these many seasons has been deemed unacceptable by the masses. Ladyz rule.
7) It has been found out the recent 2014 version of the HURT race suit was untested prior to competition this year. Shani Davis is not happy his new HURT suit is not up to standards.
So what happens next? Director is out. Time for HURT to flip the script. With three weeks left in the season there is still a chance for HURT skiers to get in the top ten and solidify dominance in the team points competition.
Dual-Directoresses have risen up on the momentum of the masses and snatched power from the Director and thrown him out of his ivory tower. Look for a much more hands-on and far more demanding style of leadership.
All Ye of HURT nation...your new leaders.... Anna Y and Josephine "Joey" Jane PK.
Your presence is demanded at the Cookie-Clash and NYSSRA Championships. Be there. And bring a clean diaper.
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